Today's been a fucked day. Honestly, it's just all twisted and weird and just strange. I've been a right old-fashioned emotional girl who can't seem to keep her emotions in check.
I'm starting to think it could be pill related or maybe it's just all the stresses in my life at moment. I don't know.
I spoke to Dad about some things today and surprisingly, that helped. Sometimes, I think I like a guys perspective on things. Maybe talking to Dad though, gave me some sort of comfort, just knowing that I could talk to him about my issues.
My blog seemed all broken up so far and it's probably not flowing very well. I've never been the best essay writer, or any kind or writer for that matter. I'm just trying to get my thoughts out of my head right now, cos it's all starting to feel like bit of an overload. My minds in overdrive lately, so many things pass in and out all the time and I can't seem to quieten it much, except when I'm sleeping...by then, I just crash. Maybe it's all from thinking too much.
Nothing's really changed in life, and maybe that's part of the problem. I'm trying to set myself in a routine so that my life doesn't feel like an endless pile of nothing. Make it more productive, more important.
I'm starting by creating a "to-do list"...which I will eventually fill in...so I remember everything I need to do during a week. Today, I almost forgot I had a doctor's appointment...luckily I remembered in time, but yeh, to avoid that in the future, I shall have my list on my wall.
Next I will be creating a timetable for physio...seeing as though I need to do way more than I'm currently doing. Basically, it'll be a mix of Hydrotherapy, Physiotherapy and visits to the pools by myself...or with whoever wants to come with me. I've gotta do some sort of physio at least 3 times a week...and to make it more affordable for myself, I'm going to do a mixture of the 3 in alternate weeks. And I'm hoping by having a timetable, it'll get me in a better routine and fill in my weeks better. Thanks Beckee, for your help with these ideas. :)
So that's about all my positive thoughts right now. The rest is pretty mundane.
August 23, 2011
August 22, 2011
Family
This ones for you Beckee, cos otherwise I probably wouldn't have posted tonight. :)
So developments since my last post.
Basically there's not much of anything really going on these days. Things are going back normal. Nana left early on Saturday, Mum drove her to the airport and I think we all were quite relieved to see her go. We may sound like horrible family members, but if you know my Nana you'll understand.
She was here a total of 2 weeks. For the first week, Mum was off work and I didn't get stuck with Nana much. But the second week, she wanted me to take her everywhere...even though I had only just started driving again. Mum was on my case about taking her out, so I gave in and just did it. Nana seemed ok most of the time, she did pick her moments though and there were a few explosive arguments in the house during the time she was here.
Anyway, she's gone now, Mum's back at work and the girls are at school so I'm home by myself pretty every weekday and it's been not too bad.
On the reverse of family members that piss me off, there's one in particular I'm praying for.
Yesterday we got some bad news, Grandma had another stroke on Saturday night. It's left her paralysed on her right side and she can't talk. We're told she also has some brain swelling due to her tumors. She's in hospital at the moment, and the doctors haven't said alot from what I've heard.
I suppose all I can say for now is that, Grandma, I am praying for your health and I hope you feel better very soon. I wish I was with you, and I love you.
These thoughts will be conveyed to a card I think I will send her...I just want her to know I'm thinking about her.
Now I turn to another family member. Karl has seemed to have gotten himself into some major shit. I don't know all the details but basically his girlfriend dumped him, got an AVO out on him and he's breached it several times...and apparently now as I speak, he's in custody.
There's not much I can really say for him. I mean, it's obvious he's not a smart bloke because he's gotten himself into the very same trouble before. Mum doesn't want him back here to live, so he doesn't really have anywhere to go. The cops, from what I hear seem sympathetic to him but have charged him because of the amount of breaches he's already made. I'm shaking my head for him, I just don't understand why he does this. He hasn't learnt anything and it makes me feel disappointed for him.
He goes to court tomorrow, I have no idea what will happen...I suppose I'll find out when I do.
So that's all I can come up with right now. There's too much to think about and I'm tired now.
More from me later on.
So developments since my last post.
Basically there's not much of anything really going on these days. Things are going back normal. Nana left early on Saturday, Mum drove her to the airport and I think we all were quite relieved to see her go. We may sound like horrible family members, but if you know my Nana you'll understand.
She was here a total of 2 weeks. For the first week, Mum was off work and I didn't get stuck with Nana much. But the second week, she wanted me to take her everywhere...even though I had only just started driving again. Mum was on my case about taking her out, so I gave in and just did it. Nana seemed ok most of the time, she did pick her moments though and there were a few explosive arguments in the house during the time she was here.
Anyway, she's gone now, Mum's back at work and the girls are at school so I'm home by myself pretty every weekday and it's been not too bad.
On the reverse of family members that piss me off, there's one in particular I'm praying for.
Yesterday we got some bad news, Grandma had another stroke on Saturday night. It's left her paralysed on her right side and she can't talk. We're told she also has some brain swelling due to her tumors. She's in hospital at the moment, and the doctors haven't said alot from what I've heard.
I suppose all I can say for now is that, Grandma, I am praying for your health and I hope you feel better very soon. I wish I was with you, and I love you.
These thoughts will be conveyed to a card I think I will send her...I just want her to know I'm thinking about her.
Now I turn to another family member. Karl has seemed to have gotten himself into some major shit. I don't know all the details but basically his girlfriend dumped him, got an AVO out on him and he's breached it several times...and apparently now as I speak, he's in custody.
There's not much I can really say for him. I mean, it's obvious he's not a smart bloke because he's gotten himself into the very same trouble before. Mum doesn't want him back here to live, so he doesn't really have anywhere to go. The cops, from what I hear seem sympathetic to him but have charged him because of the amount of breaches he's already made. I'm shaking my head for him, I just don't understand why he does this. He hasn't learnt anything and it makes me feel disappointed for him.
He goes to court tomorrow, I have no idea what will happen...I suppose I'll find out when I do.
So that's all I can come up with right now. There's too much to think about and I'm tired now.
More from me later on.
August 11, 2011
Post op thoughts and feelings.
I looked back at my last blog and realised it was something like 6 weeks pre op...and now it's currently 6 weeks post op number one. How's that for a little bit of a coinky? Just something I picked up on.
Anyways here I am weeks later having past questionably the most painful part of my recovery. But I will start this blog at the beginning, the day of op one.
So this was June 28th and I was admitted to hospital at midday. Mum drove me there and was nice enough to wait with me, which felt like forever. I didn't know how long I would be waiting pre op once all the paperwork was done and I was in a robe ready to go. But as it turned out, 3pm came and went. People prepped after me ended up going into theatre before me and I started wondering why I was being left till last. Mum left about 3.30pm and just before 4 I was taken into a side room waiting on a bed where my surgeon came to say hi and explained I would be staying overnight in hospital and I was left till last basically because I had the private insurance to cover for the stay. They drew on my leg and checked MRI scans and then left.
I didn't get wheeled into theatre until just after 5pm. I was almost relieved when they came to get me, I was so scared to go in but I was bordering insane with boredom by myself in that room.
Can I add here that my anaesthetist was extremely hot, and seeing him after being wheeled into theatre, I was quite relaxed after that. Super hot. I wasn't awake long, they moved me on a table and moved my blanket around and a nurse was being heart stuff on my chest when I heard a doctor say he was about to inject stuff and I'd go to sleep in less than 5 seconds. I don't remember much after that until I woke up in recovery The op went for just over one hour.
I remember a nurse calling my name and my throat feeling really dry and sore. The nurse told me I was in recovery and I asked immediately for Mum. She said she would call her and told me to rest more. I remember swallowing alot and feeling a little bit sick for bout half hour. The nurse told me that was normal and that it should pass. It did go away just before they wheeled me to my room. I had a neighbour in my room, this lady was unfortunate enough to suffer from vomiting due to the after effects of the anaesthetic. I feel really bad for her all night. She talked to me at times, she seemed like a nice person.
Mum and the girls came in to visit not long after I went to my room and they stayed for a couple of hours. I was very grateful cos I was still feeling shitty in the throat and just liked the company. Dad came too for a little while, and so did Karl and his girlfriend...who I happened to meet for the first time that night. I got flowers which was really nice and I was happy to have my family around.
My knee felt good that night, the doctor told me I had some kind of nerve shot in my thigh that would shut off the feeling in my knee so I wouldn't suffer through the night. I was very grateful they gave me that needle, and while I was still under too...cos it worked brilliantly It was my throat that bothered me the most. I didn't sleep much that night, the night nurse kept waking me up for blood pressure checks and more medications. I didn't mind too much, I just missed B and my bed.
The next morning Mum came up to see me, and I was waiting to get the ok from my surgeon to go home. The physio came in to get me out of bed and help me walk around on the crutches. Until then I hadn't been out of bed once...bed pans suck by the way. The physio got me up and I was walking around good and he was happy to give the all clear for me to go home. My surgeon didn't ring until after 12 and he told me he was happy with how the operation went and since I was out of bed and the pain was ok, I got to go home. Right before I went to leave though, one of the nurses was helping me back to my bed after a toilet trip and let my leg go too quickly and then the pain hit me like a ton of bricks. From that point on, the pain didn't stop for about a week. I got a morphine tablet before I left the hospital.
So as I mentioned before, the pain was quite bad the first week...but it was manageable with codiene and panadol. I needed alot of help getting around at first and sometimes it was quite a struggle just to do the simple things. Mum and girls helped out alot, especially Mum. She took some time off work to make sure I was alright and got me food and drinks through the day. The first few nights, I still needed help to get out of bed to go to the toilet, sometimes in the middle of the night.
I had some physio done 2 days after the op and from the get go it was clear it was going to be a long road ahead. Unfortunately I haven't had as much physio as I should have due to being poor but I've done my best with home exercises to try and make up for it. I know it's not really making up for it, but I went as often as I could. I wasn't really happy with the physio I had at the time, he seemed to disagree with my surgeon regarding my progress. As a result, I came very close to injuring it in the second week of recovery. I was instructed to keep my splint on for a further 3 weeks after that and I didn't trust my physio either.
I went to 2 others since and I'll be sticking with the last one I saw. He was very helpful and talked me through things and how I can help myself at home etc. Unfortunately I haven't gone since but I will be in the next week or so. I certainly felt the difference after seeing the new physio, and even though I've done everything he's suggested at home I know I will benefit better from more physio work.
I've seen my surgeon once more, last Tuesday and that's when the splint came off. Ever since, I've been in more pain and some days I'm a bit slower with exercises. Basically the goal now is to get the knee moving and mobile. Bending it is getting better, but I know without the proper physio I'm meant to be having, it's setting things back a bit further.
I went to see the psych for the first time since the op today. And I met the new one I will have from now on. Jenny's gone and now I see Bernadette. I like her more, she's more straight forward and she seems more in tune with what's going on with me. Kinda felt weird about how quickly she picked up things but I feel more comfortable around her and I know that's important so I'm happy with that. I go again next week and she wants me to finish my vision board. It's something I started ages ago but never finished. Beckee's got me thinking even more about my goals to study. I was already getting things in motion for that, but I'll be doing some reading up and hopefully preparing myself for what could be ahead.
That's all from me today.
Anyways here I am weeks later having past questionably the most painful part of my recovery. But I will start this blog at the beginning, the day of op one.
So this was June 28th and I was admitted to hospital at midday. Mum drove me there and was nice enough to wait with me, which felt like forever. I didn't know how long I would be waiting pre op once all the paperwork was done and I was in a robe ready to go. But as it turned out, 3pm came and went. People prepped after me ended up going into theatre before me and I started wondering why I was being left till last. Mum left about 3.30pm and just before 4 I was taken into a side room waiting on a bed where my surgeon came to say hi and explained I would be staying overnight in hospital and I was left till last basically because I had the private insurance to cover for the stay. They drew on my leg and checked MRI scans and then left.
I didn't get wheeled into theatre until just after 5pm. I was almost relieved when they came to get me, I was so scared to go in but I was bordering insane with boredom by myself in that room.
Can I add here that my anaesthetist was extremely hot, and seeing him after being wheeled into theatre, I was quite relaxed after that. Super hot. I wasn't awake long, they moved me on a table and moved my blanket around and a nurse was being heart stuff on my chest when I heard a doctor say he was about to inject stuff and I'd go to sleep in less than 5 seconds. I don't remember much after that until I woke up in recovery The op went for just over one hour.
I remember a nurse calling my name and my throat feeling really dry and sore. The nurse told me I was in recovery and I asked immediately for Mum. She said she would call her and told me to rest more. I remember swallowing alot and feeling a little bit sick for bout half hour. The nurse told me that was normal and that it should pass. It did go away just before they wheeled me to my room. I had a neighbour in my room, this lady was unfortunate enough to suffer from vomiting due to the after effects of the anaesthetic. I feel really bad for her all night. She talked to me at times, she seemed like a nice person.
Mum and the girls came in to visit not long after I went to my room and they stayed for a couple of hours. I was very grateful cos I was still feeling shitty in the throat and just liked the company. Dad came too for a little while, and so did Karl and his girlfriend...who I happened to meet for the first time that night. I got flowers which was really nice and I was happy to have my family around.
My knee felt good that night, the doctor told me I had some kind of nerve shot in my thigh that would shut off the feeling in my knee so I wouldn't suffer through the night. I was very grateful they gave me that needle, and while I was still under too...cos it worked brilliantly It was my throat that bothered me the most. I didn't sleep much that night, the night nurse kept waking me up for blood pressure checks and more medications. I didn't mind too much, I just missed B and my bed.
The next morning Mum came up to see me, and I was waiting to get the ok from my surgeon to go home. The physio came in to get me out of bed and help me walk around on the crutches. Until then I hadn't been out of bed once...bed pans suck by the way. The physio got me up and I was walking around good and he was happy to give the all clear for me to go home. My surgeon didn't ring until after 12 and he told me he was happy with how the operation went and since I was out of bed and the pain was ok, I got to go home. Right before I went to leave though, one of the nurses was helping me back to my bed after a toilet trip and let my leg go too quickly and then the pain hit me like a ton of bricks. From that point on, the pain didn't stop for about a week. I got a morphine tablet before I left the hospital.
So as I mentioned before, the pain was quite bad the first week...but it was manageable with codiene and panadol. I needed alot of help getting around at first and sometimes it was quite a struggle just to do the simple things. Mum and girls helped out alot, especially Mum. She took some time off work to make sure I was alright and got me food and drinks through the day. The first few nights, I still needed help to get out of bed to go to the toilet, sometimes in the middle of the night.
I had some physio done 2 days after the op and from the get go it was clear it was going to be a long road ahead. Unfortunately I haven't had as much physio as I should have due to being poor but I've done my best with home exercises to try and make up for it. I know it's not really making up for it, but I went as often as I could. I wasn't really happy with the physio I had at the time, he seemed to disagree with my surgeon regarding my progress. As a result, I came very close to injuring it in the second week of recovery. I was instructed to keep my splint on for a further 3 weeks after that and I didn't trust my physio either.
I went to 2 others since and I'll be sticking with the last one I saw. He was very helpful and talked me through things and how I can help myself at home etc. Unfortunately I haven't gone since but I will be in the next week or so. I certainly felt the difference after seeing the new physio, and even though I've done everything he's suggested at home I know I will benefit better from more physio work.
I've seen my surgeon once more, last Tuesday and that's when the splint came off. Ever since, I've been in more pain and some days I'm a bit slower with exercises. Basically the goal now is to get the knee moving and mobile. Bending it is getting better, but I know without the proper physio I'm meant to be having, it's setting things back a bit further.
I went to see the psych for the first time since the op today. And I met the new one I will have from now on. Jenny's gone and now I see Bernadette. I like her more, she's more straight forward and she seems more in tune with what's going on with me. Kinda felt weird about how quickly she picked up things but I feel more comfortable around her and I know that's important so I'm happy with that. I go again next week and she wants me to finish my vision board. It's something I started ages ago but never finished. Beckee's got me thinking even more about my goals to study. I was already getting things in motion for that, but I'll be doing some reading up and hopefully preparing myself for what could be ahead.
That's all from me today.
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